caught up in circles

Sometimes it is really nice around here. Henry and Nora have somehow worked it out today. They literally came downstairs ten minutes ago, Henry with his arm around Nora's shoulders, smiling, happy to be together. This does happen sometimes. Again, I am not sure exactly why or how, but it does, and I love that. So, its kind of quiet, and for like twenty minutes I don't have to allocate half of my brain to managing them. So I have been sitting in this little white ikea chair by this window, learning this song, "Time after Time." Cyndi Lauper was a totally under-respected musician in my opinion. She is one of those pop singers, 80's pop star royalty really, who has depth and talent beyond most of the music that they are pushing out to the public.

There was this line from Lev Grossman's book The Magicians "Most people carry that pain around inside them their whole lives, until they kill the pain by other means, or until it kills them. But you, my friend, you found another way: a way to use the pain. To burn it as fuel, for light and warmth. You have learned to break the world that has tried to break you."  This is what I think of when I think of Cyndi Lauper's music. Actually, this is what I think of when I think of almost any music that I tend to like. I am past the genre thing. I find things that I like in almost any type of music. I have a hard time getting past the cliche's of popular country music, but there are some songs and artists that reach past that into what I would call reality, and I love that. I feel the same way about rap, rock, I guess all of it. Henry and Nora make fun of me for only liking sad music. I call that innocence, although, that is already slipping as the hard surface of the world shows itself to them. Music is comfort to me, and comfort has to be honest or it is just platitudes.   

There is a desperation to Lauper's music. Under all that orange, and lip-gloss there is hurt. I think I could even feel it back in the 80's in the frantic racing of her songs. This one though, just lays it out plain.

            "Sometimes you picture me, I'm walking too far ahead. Your'e calling to me,
              I can't hear what you've said. Then you say, go slow. I fall behind."

Quick, and searching, I find that bit the most powerful part of the song for me. I am sure that this is true for everyone, but I can tell when something like this has something for me, when I need to dig into it and find why it is pulling me toward it. I can't even read it without feeling moved. I know it is reflecting some aspect of my life back at me, and that it's a big one, but I don't really know what specifically yet. I guess that is what meditation is. Learning to listen.

Well, the snow is falling in white plaits outside, my kids are laughing upstairs, I am learning this melody with its reflective, jumping bass note F#... E, F#... E,  and I am listening.